Snatch, hoo-ha, cooter, box, fur burger, honey pot, vagoo, whatever you wanna call it! Behold the vagina cake, a truly underrated dessert centerpiece. Why don’t we make vagina cakes all the time? Just think about the face-planting potential not to mention the jokes that could be made about eating pussy for dessert. Twat? Are you offended by this topic? Sorry, I cunt hear you.
Here is the anatomy of my hooey cake:
This is a relatively easy 3D cake shape to bake because it’s basically just a round mound. This particular cake was baked in an egg pan but you could also make it out of a half sphere cake or in a basic cylinder shaped pan. Vajayjays come in all different shapes, colors, and sizes, so here is your chance to be creative. As long as the cake is rounded or looks like a pink taco, it will work.
The main components of the outer female anatomy are the choco-lips, which in this case are made of strips of pink modeling chocolate rolled and thinned at the edges just like rose petals.
The choco-clit is made out of a round pearl of modeling chocolate although any kind of candy or a cherry would do.
The surface of the cake is frosted with smooth vanilla buttercream tinted with a little natural beet juice plus cocoa powder. A darker layer of pink buttercream is blended into the surface using an offset spatula to give the lips some blush. I frost this type of design haphazardly, deliberately leaving spatula marks, since the poonani has so many ripples and folds.
For a darker skin tone, add more cocoa powder or chocolate buttercream to the base color.
To form the V-hole, bore into the surface of the cake with the larger end of a double-ended ball tool or rounded implement. Arrange the inner choco-lips around the V-hole, planting them firmly into the buttercream frosting. It helps to do this before the buttercream has had a chance to fully set.
To make the P-hole, use the smaller end of a double-ended ball tool, boring at a 45° angle into the frosting, angled up towards the landing strip.
The A-hole is made of thicker modeling chocolate O-ring that’s embossed a few times with the tip of butter knife to look like a puckered up balloon knot.
No fornicake is truly complete without a little edible cum. Here is one recipe that is particular sweet and liquidy. This should be applied to the cake at the last possible minute since it’s so sticky and wet. It’s better to do this after transport if possible.
Confectionery Cum Recipe
- 1 teaspoon of confectioner’s sugar
- 1 Tablespoon of corn syrup or glucose
Combine the powdered sugar and syrup until they are well mixed and cloudy white. Paint the inner and outer choco-lips with this mixture then drizzle some more into the V-hole so that there’s a little pool in there.
Check out these
Here are some vagina cupcakes that were made by a very talented baker/participant in the ugly cake contest. I like so many of the ideas used here that I am including this photo for your inspiration. Note how the outer choco-lips were made from folding circles over to create a more rounded edge. Notice the excellent use of different edible mediums like chocolate sprinkles, shredded coconut, and toasted coconut to render various colors and styles of pubic hair. Behold the clever use of bacon as beef curtains!
Sample the books
Cake Decorating with Modeling Chocolate
The Ultimate Modeling Chocolate Resource Guide